Ladies, if you plan to find a boyfriend in Engineering, the odds are good
...but the goods are odd.
 - PhD Comic
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Confucius says: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.
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Unix is user-friendly.
It just isn't promiscuous about which users it's friendly with.
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2 + 2 = 5 for large values of 2. 
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47 on Star Trek? It's the answer to life, the Universe and everything...
adjusted for inflation.
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Windows NT: designed for the Internet.
The Internet: designed for UNIX.
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Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
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A Computer Scientist says it's a hardware problem.
A Computer Engineer says it's a software problem.
A Software Engineer admits it's a software problem and tries to fix it.
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As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
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Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
 - Dick Brandon
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God is real, unless declared integer.
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/* Halley */
        (Halley's comment.)
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If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
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Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
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One of the most overlooked advantages to computers is...  If they do
foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little.
 - Joe Martin
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The meat is rotten, but the booze is holding out.
Computer translation of "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
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This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
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To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
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You can tune a file system, but you can't tuna fish.
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Your password is pitifully obvious.
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Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
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To within half a percent, Pi seconds is a nanocentury.
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Contradictions are the hobgoblins of small minds.
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To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
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You just gotta wonder how Twain and Hemingway managed to get along with only one font?
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Every program expands until it can send mail...except Exchange. 
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To segfault is human; to blue-screen moronic. 
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If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed...Oh wait, he does.
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The reason that every major university maintains a department of
mathematics is that it's cheaper than institutionalizing all those people.
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Why does it seem that most users are of below-average intelligence?
Do smart people avoid computers?
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Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing
as division.
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Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
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It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
A: To get to the other...er, um...
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If I had only an hour to live I would want to be in your class...
because it feels like an eternity!
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If I plant a binary tree, how long will it take for the tree to grow?
If I add branches randomly it will take me log_2(t)/1.386.
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Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day;
set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Microsoft broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs!
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It's a fine line between ``hobby'' and ``mental illness.''
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On a clear disk, you can seek forever.
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You can't spell `evil' without `vi'.
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Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day.
Teach a man to program, frustrate him for life.
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The beatings will stop stop when morale improves.
 - UW E&CE Department
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He may be a Hotmail user, but the patch works, so who am I to argue?
 - Charles Samuels
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This works because, in C, declaration reflects use, but it's one of those weird distorted mirrors.
 - Infrequently Asked Questions in comp.lang.c
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An engineer is someone who does list processing in FORTRAN.
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To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
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I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on tape.
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Why program by hand in five days what you can spend five years of your life automating?
 - Terance Parr (developer of ANTLR)
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Stop anthropomorphising robots. They don't like it.
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Quantum Hunter: Catching Schrodinger's Cat Since Tomorrow
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How many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?
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He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts -- for support rather than illumination.
 - Andrew Lang
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drug, n:
        A substance that, injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
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When asked what could be inferred about the mind of the Creator from the
works of Creation, JBS Haldane said ``An inordinate fondness for beetles.''
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Bad grammar makes me [sic]
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Today's subliminal thought is:
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while(!asleep()) sheep++;
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I'd call compiler optimization an endless chasm of eternal darkness, except
that it's pretty fun. So it's an endless chasm of fun eternal darkness, I guess.
 - Steve Yegge
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C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
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The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language
will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good
name and now I am looking for a suitable language. 
 - Donald Knuth, 1967
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When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
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This letter is longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
 - Blaise Pascal
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Computer science (n.) A study akin to numerology and astrology,
but lacking the precision of the former and the success of the latter.
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No letters of the alphabet were harmed in the creation of this message.
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Engineers aren't boring people; we just get excited over boring things.
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quicksort [] = []
quicksort (s : ss) = quicksort [x | x <-ss, x < s]
    ++ [s] ++ quicksort [x | x <- ss, x >= s]
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To err is human and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
 - Robert Orben
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TeX is a Science. Word is a Comedy. People like comedy.
 - itomato (91092)
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Managers ask, Are you effective?
Artists ask, Do you get it?
Engineers ask, Are you an idiot?
 - Photoshop
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Let's make a coloring book and then sue kids for unauthorized derivative works.
 - amb
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Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
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Really intelligent design would have documentation.
 - Drew Endy
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